Today I’d like to talk about three things which ultimately form the critical triumvirate of a successful punishment by an HOH.
It is vital that a fair and conscientious HOH approaches a punishment with the correct implement, the correct increment of force and the right attitude.
First-off, let’s talk about implements. The list of appropriate implements in spanking is largely an open book. Providing that the implement of your choice does not cause injury beyond a pink rump (ie broken skin, significant bruising etc), there are no particular “no-go” implements, but it is worth bearing in mind that some are more effective than others. I will do some in-depth implement reviews at a later date, but for now here is a list of implements I’ve had experience using as HOH, rated in a list of what I consider mild>harsh.
HAND – This is the classic spanking implement. Good old-fashioned skin-on-skin corporal punishment which is performable by virtually any able-bodied HOH. This can range from extremely mild “swats” to a proper bum-stinging, hand-throbbing spanking. As you can gather from the last sentence, the only downside with the hand is that unless the correct technique is used, it can hurt the spanker’s hand like hell. To minimise this, keep your fingers straight and tensed, and keep your thumb straight and pulled tight against the side of your hand. This technique, in my experience, will cause less pain and discomfort to the HOH and will provide a more expressive and effective spanking. I thoroughly recommend that any aspirant HOH and partner start their journey into DD using the hand, and graduate to other implements later.
THE BELT – My wife says she feels a mixture of fear, respect and excitement (in a non-sexual way) when she hears the sound of my belt being unbuckled and removed. The belt is another classic punishment tool, but must be used correctly to not cause injury. Firstly, NEVER spank with the buckle end of the belt. This is irresponsible and will be extremely painful for your partner, possibly causing nasty injuries and, if your partner is slightly built and your aim is poor, possible rib injury. The best way, in my experience, to use the belt is to foreshorten the loose holepunched end and flex your forearm only from the elbow to create a whip effect. The belt can be quite harsh, and using your whole arm flexed at the shoulder will make for too much of an exaggerated and painful punishment for everyday transgressions of rules and guidelines. Be sure to choose a leather belt and give your partner a warmup spanking prior to using the belt to prevent excessive bruising.
PADDLE/WOODEN SPOON/SPATULA ETC – The wooden paddle is an effective device for short, harsh punishments which are sometimes necessary for corrective behaviour. A punctilious HOH will be aware that some behavioural traits need different correction to others. For example, I find a short session with a paddle (we have a ‘Preserving Spoon’ which is a long-handled wide-ended and substantial wooden spoon which makes for an excellent implement in this category, and appropriately named too-it preserves peace, respect and sanity in my household) is the perfect way to stamp on a bad attitude or a burst of disrespectful behaviour. Short, sharp swats after a brief warmup spanking are a noticeable wakeup call to a belligerent or disrespectful partner. I will often remind my wife during a paddling that her demonstrating a lack of respect to me is a sign of failure on both of our parts, her failing to fulfill her duty as a respectful partner and me failing to command respect by correcting a lack of it. I remind her that I will not fail or be failed-I will succeed at correcting disrespect until she succeeds in ridding herself of any disrespectful thoughts or behaviour. A short, sharp wakeup call from a paddle is just what the doctor ordered, so to speak, in this case.
THE SWITCH – As luck would have it, my wife and I live near a beautiful wooded hillside walk, one of our favourite places in the glorious local countryside in which we are lucky to live. Often we will be walking along in Springtime or Summer and my wife will point out some stout new growth in the brushland or greenery that would make a strong, whippy new switch. A relatively fresh switch is better than an old, dry switch as they have more give and are springy-rather like the difference between a Graphite-shafted Golf club and a Steel-shafted club, for those of you who enjoy a stroll around the fairway. The switch is a “session” implement, ideal for inclusion as part of a longer, multi-implement spanking, and is best used when your partner is thoroughly warmed up (ideally as the climax of the spanking, if you wish) as it can mark severely if used on a cold backside.
THE CANE – My wife and I own a cane, but I have yet to use it. By all accounts it is one of the most painful spanking implements available, so I am saving it for when, or if, it is truly needed. I think as a successful HOH there is more power in the upper-echelon implements that you DON’T use rather than the day-to-day implements that are commonplace in your rotation. The silent presence of a cane, switch or similar in your wardrobe should be enough, ideally, to engender the best in behaviour from your partner, or at least prevent the worst of it.
It is, in my opinion, of vital importance to your role as a fair, considerate HOH that you employ the correct increments of punishment. These are, of course, yours to consider, set, observe and modify, but it is vitally important not to overpunish, and even more important not to underpunish. The appropriety of the discipline you meter out is for you alone to discern, but a common mistake is for an HOH to have a standard punishment procedure for every infraction of rules, no matter how mild or extreme. I made this mistake early on, but it soon became clear that my punishment techniques were becoming ineffective, resulting in both my wife and I becoming perplexed and unhappy, even withdrawing from the DD lifestyle for a few months whilst we sorted our collective head out. I’m not going to suggest what offence should match which punishment, but don’t make the same mistake I did and have a blanket punishment level for every offence, you must nuance your techniques, increments of punishment and ways of expressing forgiveness for this lifestyle to work in the brilliant way that it can when done right.
One of my golden rules is never to punish my wife when angry. It is rare that my wife’s behaviour or attitude will make me genuinely angry, but if it does, I am inclined to send her to our bedroom to consider her actions and the consequences thereof. That way, I have space and time to collect my thoughts and consider the best course of action, and she has time to cool her heels and, as almost always happens, reach a point of remorse and contrition.
If you spank your partner our of anger, you will develop trust issues between you which no amount of love, conversation or disciplinary action will be able to mend. A DD relationship relies on you, the HOH, being a figure of complete authority, calm and trust. YES you will get angry from time to time. You’re a human being, and none of us are impervious to anger and frustration, but you MUST find a way to manage those feelings and stow your emotions away prior to administering discipline. This is the most important piece of advice that I can give. Loving domestic discipline is an extremely constructive, caring and protective pursuit. Angry domestic discipline is nothing but destructive, frightening and upsetting. If you bring the right attitude to your punishment sessions, you will reap great rewards of love and respect. It’s up to you to lead your household, and a true leader is led by nobody and nothing, least of all a momentary loss of emotional control.
Anyway, I’ve written quite enough for now. Please bear in mind that these words are my opinion alone, and different things work for different people-please don’t take my opinions and advice as gospel. Decide what works for you based on your own relationship and experiences, and build from there.