Reaffirming submission and dominance

Hi all,
         Apologies for the long period of silence blogwise-I’ve been very busy with work and have been stricken with a nasty back complaint, which has lain me low for several weeks.

To remedy my back problem (due to a collapsed Sacroiliac muscle), the doctor has referred me to my local gym, with a specific regime of exercises to blitz a little extra weight I have been carrying, build up my core strength and rebuild my collapsed muscle.

The upside of all of this exercise, clean living and, finally, the cessation-for the most part-of my debilitating back pain, is that I feel like a new man…clear headed, full of energy, and ready to step up DD a little in my household which, I’ll admit, has had to take a back seat to just functioning on a daily basis, such was the discomfort that my back problems caused me.

Firstly, I had to round up a series of curfew transgressions that my wife had committed over the past few weeks. There were also unwritten lines to deal with, attitudes to adjust and general reaffirmation of our roles and responsibilities within our home.

It has taken a while for my wife to adjust to my shift in leadership emphasis, but she has managed to do so eventually.

Her thoughts and feelings are expressed with deep eloquence and insight at her blog and she continues to be more prolific in her writing than me, so I do apologise for my tardiness in updating my blog. Thanks for sticking with it. It’s hard work to juggle life as sole provider for my family, husband, dad, professional creative artist and, now, achy-backed gym rat, and find time to blog as well!

My wife and I are trying out a series of submission exercises as a miniature ‘Boot Camp’ over the next couple of days, to shore up her submissive willpower and to outline-in ink-our roles in both our household and marriage.

I’ll let you know how we fare!


Maintenance spanking, and why I’m introducing it

My wonderful, loving wife has a cheeky side.

This cheeky side is usually well covered up, but is revealed when she makes facetious remarks, oversteps the mark in terms of respectful conversation or interrupts me/answers me back with some kind of smart and sassy response to a point I was making.

I see my wife’s cheeky side at close quarters most often during the phase of her monthly cycle where hormones run highest.

There are often times when I have to arrange my wife, non-cheeky-side-down over my knee, and address her cheeky side directly with hand/paddle/cane/other…

So, I’ve decided to implement a weekly maintenance spanking. I think my wife needs this, and has asked me for more maintenance in the past, so it’s clearly necessary.

Weekly seems like a good, fair interval of time-any more regular and it would seem draconian, any more infrequent and it would seem vague and irregular.

I’ll let you know how it goes!


Rattan To Sender…a new implement in the house


Hi all,
          I’m very excited to welcome a new implement into our lives.

It’s a handsome, 810x10mm senior rattan cane…a proper cane for the purpose of caning, not a homemade switch or a splintery garden bamboo pole.

It’s stout, whippy and most definitely suitable for purpose. The eBay seller I bought it from, Superconnie6, was extremely helpful and friendly, sending me not only the cane but many links to spanking groups and communities, once he’d established that I had purchased it for its intended use rather than for a fancy dress party or similar.

I haven’t used it yet, but I will…and I will report back upon its efficacy and ease of use!


When I’m unwell


Fulfilling my duty as HOH when I’m ill is a tough nut to crack.

As of this morning, I came down with Gastroenteritis-my wife has had it and so have many of our friends, and although I had fended it off as of yesterday, I guess it was inevitable that it’d get to me in the end.

So, all day I’ve been running to and fro the bathroom, feeling absolutely lousy, hot/cold, sweats, dehydration, splitting headache etc etc…just sitting in bed writing this is taking every drop of energy I can muster.

It’s when I feel like this that I feel under the most pressure as HOH. Although my wife has been well behaved today and hasn’t objected to me crawling off to the bath then bed, I still feel like a Tortoise stuck on its back, little legs wiggling lethargically and ineffectually away…I know that giving a disciplinary lecture and spanking is almost beyond me at the moment (not quite, but almost!) and I know it would be hard to think and act clearly when feeling the way I am.

So, I really hope that my lovely wife still feels the hand of my authority on her shoulder and will comport herself accordingly.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring some reprieve-I miss being a healthy, happy, hearty HOH!


Stealing, and how I dealt with it…

This week just gone presented an extremely complex and challenging situation.

My wife has long had a difficult relationship with her mother. Her mother has a history of neglecting her children, drug abuse and adultery, and, understandably, my.wife has had a very hard time coming to terms with her relationship with her mum.

My wife admitted to me recently that she had been stealing from her mother. It started as taking back unwanted presents, and culminated in taking £20 in department store vouchers during the post-divorce house move that her parents have just gone through.

I was horrified, and naturally in a quandary about what to do in a disciplinary sense, and how to do it.

I agonised about it for several days, and took sage advice from fellow HOHs on The Learning DD Network on what to do. This was no straightforward punishment spanking. I had to take into account the underlying psychological aspects of the misdemeanour and address them accordingly, as well as punishing for the action of stealing itself.

After much deliberation, I started by talking with my wife at great length about the situation, making it clear that I will not tolerate any dishonesty or theft in our family, least of all from another family member.

After this, I asked my wife to write lines, specifically “I will not steal from my family” 500 times, numbered in her best handwriting.

This was followed by a severe five-stage spanking (hand/switch/belt/paddle/capsaicin), which was extremely troublesome. My wife found it difficult to lay flat and receive the punishment, rolling around and evading the various implements I used. I got the spanking finished eventually, but it was a taxing and stressful spanking which took a very long time.

Eventually the punishment was finished, ending with lots of consolation cuddles, kisses and lovemaking.

I sincerely hope that this is the last time I have to spank for stealing. I trust my wonderful wife to learn from this and move on. I know she will.


A difficult spanking, and the reasons why

Earlier today I delivered probably the most taxing spanking I’ve ever had to give.

The background is thus:I’m currently in a low point of a depressive cycle, mentally and physically exhausted from several weeks of touring and all the psychological stresses, strains and disappointments that come with it. I’ve had several days off this week, but it’s been a very full week nonetheless-Monday and Tuesday were spent helping my Father-In-Law move house, and my wife was in college all day on Wed-Thu-Fri so I was at home with our daughter for the second half of the week, juggling childcare with booking work and catching up with e-mail communication that I’d got behind on whilst I was away.

This, combined with my rather distracted and distraught mental state led me to overlook some household chores, and when my wife came back from college on Thursday the house was rather unkempt.

I’m not making excuses here, it was entirely my fault, just a little exacerbated by the collusion of circumstances.

My wife wasn’t best pleased with returning home to an untidy home after being at college all day, and said I was being “disrespectful” and that she felt “like a slave” and that I “did nothing” around the house.

She then lapsed into a 48hr funk of black moods and snappy, attitude-inflected comments.

Had I been in a strong, normal frame of mind, I would have sorted things out and cleared the air with a spanking earlier, but I was far from capable of taking control of the situation.

The problem with depression is that the slightest negative comment can tip you into a whirlpool of black thoughts, whilst you frantically swim against the spin and try not to drown in the stinking, fetid, inky murk as it hungrily gulps and swirls around your spirit, its wretched undertow pulling whatever resolve you have left from under you.

So “why is the house a tip” translates as “you are a lazy and innatentive piece of crap”

“you never do anything around the house” becomes “you are just baggage to this family, why did we overpack in the first place”

“it’s disrespectful to me to leave the house untidy when I come home from college” ends up coming through the depresso-filter as “your wife would be far better off without you, why are you wasting the best years of her life by being in them”

And “I feel like a slave” becomes “useless and hurtful man, do the best thing for everyone, drift away and die”.

I hate the way my mind works when I’m feeling that way. Which, of course, just compounds the situation.

By the end of yesterday I had sunken so far inside myself I felt like I was going to suffocate. I had to play a live show last night, and was dreading it. As I left, I knelt on the doorstep of my house, cuddling my daughter and trying not to cry. I was there for a good five minutes, my poor little girl must have thought Daddy had gone quite insane, but to her credit she kept on cuddling me back until I finally let go for fear of being late. Her love was like oxygen and I breathed in every last drop. I knew, as I left, that the love I felt for and from my daughter would sustain me for the evening, even if I was in a hellish place inside, still.

Paul, the cheerful and kindly owner of the venue I was playing at, immediately approached me when I arrived, put his arm around me and said “there’s a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders if I ever saw one. You look like you’re disappearing, are you okay?”

“disappearing” is a horrible word. I’m a large man, tall and broad, and I’ve never been accused of “disappearing” before. I felt like vomiting on the spot. Instead, I forced a smile and made some pathetic excuse about “too long on the road” or somesuch. Paul was visibly worried about me, however, and hovered around me all evening, being his kind and attentive self. What a lovely and perceptive person he is.

This morning, I was awoken at 10am (I got in from my work at around 2am) by our local mobile hairdresser, who I’d booked to cut my wife and I’s hair, but had since forgotten about. My wife, who had been out drinking with friends the night before, was hungover and irritated that I’d slept in and had kept our scissor-wielding chum waiting. She stood in the doorway chiding me as I dressed, something which I would have quashed immediately under normal circumstances, but my half-submerged brain was in no fit state to process anything.

After a spot of snippery which left me looking somewhere between ‘Piece By Piece’-era John Martyn and a butch lesbian, we adjourned to my father-in-law’s new house for tea, cake and housewarming.

We returned home later, put our daughter down for an afternoon nap and sat down for a chat, at my instigation. My wife was still taciturn and wouldn’t take on board what the points I was trying to make. I apologised unreservedly for my lack of housekeeping, but explained how unhappy I was with her stormy attitude and the lack of communication between us. I forced my points out through my clouded and befuddled mind, trying desperately to unpick the problem and make sense of everything.

“I’m just saying yes or no and telling you what you want to hear” opined my stroppy-yet-still-beautiful wife. “if you’re going to spank me, get on with it so we can get it over with”.

In answer to her complaints about my housekeeping, I reminded her of her post ‘If I Were An HOH’ from her blog which she posted a month or so ago. “shut up!” she snapped…I refuse to tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully, and the ire raised in me at this point induced a clarity of thought previously absent.

“do I need to put you over my knee?” I snapped back. “No” she replied, “and if you spank me for this I’ll resent you for it”.

At this point, I openly admit I lacked the clarity of thought to deal with the situation. Feeling like a ship at a swing-mooring pivoting about the bow with the tide, I needed to escape. A food shopping mission needed to be accomplished, so I grabbed up my keys and made for the door…”I’ll consider the situation whilst I’m gone” said I, and walked to my car.

As soon as the cold air hit me, I came to my senses a little. I got in the car, drove back to the house and walked in. “someone needs to take control of this situation” I said, “and it’s going to be me”.

I then explained to my wife that we were to communicate properly in the future, through civil and loving communication and not through bad attitudes and snippy comments. I followed this with a four-stage hand spanking (with intent, over an hour later my hand is still hurting like hell!) and some reconnection time.

I hope this has cleared the air. I really had to reach deeper than ever before inside myself to find the will and authority to be an effective HOH. It’s so, so difficult sometimes when I’m really low. Thankfully it’s rare, but it still sucks.

Stay strong, lead with love and follow with the same.


Naughty wife and the driving drama…

My wife is a notoriously variable driver.

She is, at times, an extremely capable and sensible woman behind the wheel, but is prone to massive and catastrophic lapses of common sense when driving.

18mths ago she was involved in a serious crash, caused by her falling asleep at the wheel, which resulted in five people being hospitalised, two cars being destroyed and her narrowly avoiding being killed.

Since then, she was initially very cautious behind the wheel, but has since become complacent and has started taking unnecessary and foolish risks.

This started several months ago, with her not wearing her seatbelt during a short journey (which I lectured and soundly spanked her for) and culminated two days ago with her confessing that she’d set off in adverse conditions (heavy rain and terrible visibility) and had not only taken her life in her hands by attempting to overtake on a single-carriageway road that she’d mistaken for a dual carriageway, but had also been writing and sending text messages at the wheel…all in the kind of weather conditions that require the utmost attention and concentration.

I was mortified to hear how careless she’d been. Such a cavalier attitude would be reprehensible enough in anyone, but in someone who had narrowly cheated death at the wheel in the recent past it was unspeakable.

Obviously I gave my wife a stern speaking to about the situation ans administered a severe two-stage spanking with hand and belt. I explained that I was also hurt that she would take so many risks with her life, and that she would be on a month’s probation, starting immediately, during which she would have to prove to me that she could drive in a safe, trustworthy and cognizant way.

Failure to do so would result in me taking the keys away for a certain amount of time.

I was happy that I’d made my point and that I was understood.

However, the very next day my wife confessed that on her way back from college, she’d stopped to buy a tub of icecream and had driven for two miles whilst attempting to eat it, before realising that she was unable to.control the car properly whilst eating it, and putting the icecream down.

Later in the journey, she also attempted to make an overtake on the approach to a junction, narrowly avoiding an accident in the process.

I was horrified, and hugely disappointed. Aside from my concerns stated earlier about my wife risking her life, I also rely on my car for my livelihood, and don’t have the funds to replace it in the event of an accident. As the sole breadwinner in the family, it would be a huge blow to us all to lose my car.

Of course, I immediately imposed a driving ban of five days, starting with immediate effect.

We will see if this brings my wife to her senses with regard to road safety. I will continue with a cycle of punishment and bans until that is the case.


How to stop it “getting weird”, personally and sexually.

I’m aware that as a group of people, the majority of us DDers are fairly libertarian sorts.

I’m as open minded as they come, and I firmly believe that life is too short to stick to societal predispositions and stay within the boundaries of “the norm” if “the norm” isn’t what makes you happy and fulfilled.

I’m fully open to any lifestyle choice, be it social, interpersonal or sexual, as long as it makes the consenting adults involved happy.

A question I’ve been asked recently is “how do you stop it getting weird?”.

Firstly, I should clarify that I don’t really know what weird (or normal, for that matter) is. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life beating my own drum and writing my own rules, so I can only really comment on what feels weird rather what is weird relative to social convention.

My solution to any interpersonal weirdity between my wife and I due to DD is to reiterate my complete and total dedication to the lifestyle choices we have both made, and the improvement it brings to our marriage.

This first arose early in our initial DD dabblings, when I requested behavioral change in my wife, and she replied “I can’t take you seriously because it feels like a game”. At this point, I knew I had to act swiftly and get serious. I expressed my disappointment that she felt that way, and explained that I was totally committed to pursuing a life in DD, and that I would very much appreciate it if she was to fully understand and match my commitment.

At first, she seemed a little startled, but a repeated statement of intent, if delivered with heart and soul, will convince anyone of your commitment, and she was duly reassured of my personal investment in DD.

On a different tack of weirditude, the bedroom is another place where DD has the potential to “get weird”. I know many people find Sub/Dom activities deeply sexual and extremely fulfilling in that way, and as I explained in my previous post, DD has improved my sexlife immeasurably…however, there’s very little of our DD activities that carry over into the bedroom between my wife and I.

I won’t make a secret of the fact that my wife does like to be dominated in a sexual scenario (this is a long-standing obsession which seems hard-wired into her psyche, she mentioned her preference for it very early on in our relationship, and it has been a factor to varying degrees throughout our life together), but I’ve only ever spanked her properly once during sex, which did indeed feel weird for both of us.

We had spent a little time apart due to work commitments, and I hadn’t spanked her for quite some time. I arrived home in the early evening, after our daughter’s bedtime, to find my wife waiting for me, alone, dressed provcatively and, as I was about to find out, extremely sexually aroused.

Almost before I could get through the door, she kissed me passionately and murmured in a barely audible and desperately horny hiccup “can we go upstairs please”.

A great deal of sexual preamble ensued, some on the stairs, the rest in the bedroom-when we finally made in there! My wife was in a beautiful condition, driven wild by arousal and now, nearly an hour after my arrival (following much, much foreplay and teasing) ragingly desperate for penetration and orgasm.

“Please spank me first” she begged, completely unexpectedly…”I need to be spanked, let me feel your authority”.

“Hmm” thought I, “I wonder how this will turn out?”.

Almost before I could sit up at the.edge of the bed, my wife threw her slender, flushed and naked body across my knee, buried her face in a pillow and growled “please do it, do it now, please spank me”.

So I did.

And that was that…to my horror, it was ‘Game Over’ for both of us. My wife rapidly found out that she wasn’t tittilated by my spanking technique, and I rapidly found out that I wasn’t, either.

Once the spanking was over, we both sat and looked at each other, and acknowledged that, at that very point, it had “got weird”.

Thankfully, my wife and I are close enough to have a chuckle in such situations, but by bringing our daily disciplinary actions into a sexual scenario, it make spanking seem a little strange for a few days, and absolutely ruined what would have been an all-night session of headboard-smashing, bedsheet-drenching, fireworks-and-alarm-bells, ridden-hard-and-put-away-wet lovemaking.

So there are two ways to avoid it “getting weird”. Always leap to reassure your partner of your TOTAL commitment to your lifestyle choice, and don’t let your disciplinary domination intertwine with your bedroom domination, unless you are TOTALLY sure you can untangle the two immediately afterwards!


DD as a solution to sexual loneliness in a marriage…?

One thing is inarguable-when done right, DD brings a couple closer together in an emotional and interpersonal sense.

But, does the same apply in the context of sexual reconnection?

My wife and I had been together for a long time, already had a child together and had been married for 18 months or so when we came to DD.

We have both long been aware that our respective libidos could be considered to be somewhat mismatched-I have a fairly high sex drive, whilst my wife would be happy to go for weeks at a time without sexual release.

Our sex life was predictably rampant for the first couple of years of our relationship, but as time went by and we became more comfortable and settled together, inevitably our carnal inferno was reduced to a simmering pot upon the stovetop of life…or, rather, two very busy lives.

We have always been intimate people, and have a very close and loving marriage, but sex wasn’t always a constant factor. As time went by, it was more and more evident that out sexdrives were either out of synch or just plainly mismatched.

Inevitably, as the partner with the higher sex drive, I found myself frustrated and saddened that my wife and I weren’t connecting in the bedroom. The great Scottish songwriter Jackie Leven once wrote a song called ‘The Sexual Loneliness Of Jesus Christ’, and, whilst my predicament wasn’t quite the same as that of JC, I certainly related to the song on some levels.

I had never heard the feeling expressed so eloquently before. “sexual loneliness” sums it up well. The unrequited ache of physical love. The call with no response.

I resigned myself to the fact that this was just, well, how it was between us. I tried various things to spice up our lovelife, spoke to my wife at great length about how I could be more attractive to her, lost weight, but to no avail. It wasn’t, she explained, a matter of attraction, just a matter of hormonal mismatching between us.

Then, along came DD…and everything changed.

My natural style, in life, is that of a leader. My work requires me to make critical executive decisions, under pressure, in public. Leading and being the boss has never been a problem for me. Once my wife and I had embraced my natural inclination towards leadership in our marriage, something changed in both of us. I became more relaxed within myself, happy that there were to be no more power struggles between us and that I could assume my natural position unchallenged.

My wife, with the onset of DD, appeared to experience an awakening on various levels. She became more aware of her actions, softened to a deeply feminine manner in her way of comporting herself, and attained a new and thrilling sexual alertness. By embracing our natural roles, those bestowed upon us by personality and evolution, she rediscovered her sexuality in a vast way.

My wife isn’t a “spanko”, and doesn’t feel sexual arousal or tittilation in any way from spanking. She does, however, find sexual arousal in her role as a woman on a very pure level, and in mine as a dominant, powerful yet loving and caring HOH.

These are, of course, the roles that millions of years of evolution (or God’s will, depending on your viewpoint…all views are respected here, no need for any debate) has prepared us for, so why shouldn’t it feel right?

Since our embracing of the DD lifestyle, our sex life hasn’t just been healthy, it’s been positively rampant…my wife is unrecognisable from the beautiful-yet-sexually-disengaged woman I knew before. She will now approach me for sex, has an intense hunger for new and exciting experiences in the bedroom (and the car, the park, the…you get the idea!) and sometimes just plain wears me out!

Not that I’m complaining…I love the way DD has transformed our sexlife and our life together in general. It has improved our live immeasurably, and any memories of sexual loneliness are just that-memories, and distant ones at that.


Home at last, with a well-behaved wife waiting for me.

After a manic fortnight of touring (a I mentioned before, I work in music), I’m finally home and really looking forward to spending some quality time with my family.

My beautiful wife, whose blog can be found here My Wife’s Blog has been extremely well behaved in ny absence. For example, this past weekend a friend of ours invited my wife to her Hen Party. As usual, at such events, there was much alcohol consumed, inappropriate clothing worn and plenty of married women danced inappropriately with strangers and flirted outrageously (whilst their submissive husbands sat at home, presumably keeping their fingers crossed that their wives wouldn’t arrive home covered in vomit and pregnant by various others).

My wife, however, stayed sober, rebuffed the masses of male attention that these events inevitably attract, dressed in a demure-yet-self-respectful way, and led by example. Upon my return she told me that she felt my love and guidence in my absence, and felt compelled to behave and act as a respectable and self-respecting adult as a result of our loving DD lifestyle.

I’m very proud of her. There is nothing I find less attractive than the repugnant, out-of-control, crotch-wafting, attention-seeking, stranger-humping booze-bin women that are typical of British hen parties out on the town (in my line of work, I see them on a weekly basis, if not more often), and it brings me massive pride and happiness to know that my wife is ladylike and restrained enough to remove herself from those ill-founded pursuits.

If DD helped her to make that choice, as she insists it did, then I’m proud of that too.

Now I’m home (and BOY is it good to be home!) I’ll be blogging regularly again-apologies for the long silences in the last fortnight, I look forward to talking more with you all from now on!